The Mary Edition

[Elementary-age theatre class at an arts camp]
Jono: Hi! I would like to go around the circle and have everyone say their names and a really FUN fact about themselves. For starters, I'm Jono and I am allergic to pineapples!
Mary: I'm Mary and when my mom is mad at me and makes me go to time-out, I like to lick my armpits!
Class: Ewwwwwww!
Jono: ...Mary, honey, that something we should probably keep to ourselves.
Mary: ...but it tastes good!
Jono: ...that's gross...
Mary: Look!
[Mary proceeds to roll up her sleeve and lick her armpit]

Mary: I want to marry my dog!
Jono: Why?
Mary: Because it's the only thing that doesn't yell at me.

Mary: Mr. Jono! You have Disney Villain eyebrows!
Jono: What does that even mean, Mary?
Mary: If I had a sled, I could slide down your eyebrows because they're like a steep mountain!

Mary: Huggie!
Elise: Okay, give me a hug, Mary!
Mary: Yay!
[Mary hugs Elise]
Mary: Kiss?
Elise: No kisses, but you can blow me a kiss.
Mary: I want to kiss your boobie.
Elise: ............how about you give me a hug again...
Mary: Okay.
[Elise leans down for a hug, but Mary kisses Elise's boobie]
[Then she kisses it again]
[Then she kisses it for a third time]

Mary: I want to be a fireman!
Jono: Ooooh! Firemen are cool!
Mary: I want to be a fireman!
Jono: Yay!
Mary: Can I be a fireman in the play?
Jono: Maybe, Mary. We'll see.
Mary: I want to be a fireman!
Jono: Okay, Mary. I'll keep that in mind.
Mary: Can I be a fireman?
Jono: I think so, but if you ask me that again I'll say no.
[silence]
Mary: I want to be a anthropologist instead.
Jono: I thought you wanted to be a fireman...
Mary: No. I want to play with puppies and kitties.
[awkward silence]
Jono: Honey, you don't want to be a anthropologist. That's like the opposite of what you want to do.
Mary: But I want to play with puppies and kitties!
Jono: Mary, anthropologists don't play with puppies and kitties, they play with humans. They study behavior and everything that makes us who we are. Their job is to always be studying and learning!
[awkward silence]
Mary: I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Mary: Ms. Dotson, I had a dream last night! I was dreaming that I was licking my leg because it was a lollipop. When I woke up, I really WAS licking my leg!
Elise: Ohhh! You're a silly goose.
Mary: It tasted GOOD!

Jono: For this exercise, I want you to show me, with your bodies, what a cow looks like...
[The children silently walk around like cows. Mary stands up and pulls on two imaginary protruding body parts]
Jono: MARY! What are you doing?!
Mary: It's my udders!

Jono For today's exercise, I want you to show me, with your bodies, what the color blue looks like...
[The children show things like OCEAN, SKY, SADNESS, etc. with their bodies]
Jono: Good! Now show me what the color yellow looks like, when personified...
[The children show things like SUN and HEAT. Mary squats.]
Jono: MARY! What are you doing now?!
Mary: I'm peeing!!!
[Mary proceeds to make a "pssssss" sound while squatting.]