11/9/2009

[Watching the MTV Video Music Awards. Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day) crowd surfs while singing]
Lena: You know what I would do if I was lifting him up? I would sneak my hand in his pants and put my finger in his butthole.
Jono/Kristen/Jana: .......................................
Lena: Yeah! He'd be like, "La la la laWHOA!!!"

[Scrolling through Jono's ipod]
Jono: Here! Pick a song to jam to...
Elise: Hmmm... Madonna? Mamma Mia? Wait... Moby Dick: The Musical?! What the fuck?!

[Jono is the only employee in Bath & Body Works. A child purposefully knocks over a giant display. Lotion goes everywhere ]
Child's Mother: [to daughter] Don't pick that up. He'll take care of it.
[The mother and child bolt out of the store. The rest of the customers help pick the bottles of lotion off the floor]
Jono: Thank you all so much. You really don't have to do this, though. I'll take care of it.
Nice Customer #1: No, no, no. It's not a problem. That was really rude. I'm sure we all know what it's like to be in your shoes.
Nice Customer #2: Yeah. We don't mind teaming together to pick up this mess. It's like 9/11!